How To Make Your Co-Workers Uncomfortable

Set Dressing isn't terribly cerebral. Maybe if you're in charge of hanging something heavy and math is involved (and even then, you're more likely to employ Prayer than the maximum safe working load limits of hemp rope). Otherwise, wielding a tape gun and putting s**t into boxes leaves the unused portion of your brain a considerable amount of room to stretch it's legs.

So, basically, I get antsy. And when I get antsy, I get silly. Silly combines with Mischief, Whimsy mixing with a warm-weather front coming in from the Gulf, and, hence, we arrive at today's topic.

I like to ask the questions plainly, in the same tone I would ask someone for directions. I'll ambush someone in the Men's Room (don't take that out of context), usually whoever is standing at the urinal next to me. But I wait until a bunch of other guys are around. It's no fun if it's just the two of you. You pick your target, you wait for the right moment, and then spring your trap.

"Did I show you this rash around my belly-button?" They'll look around for help, panicky, but it's too late for that. You've already isolated them from the pack, making them suspect. So enjoy the moment before they flee the room quicker than Roman Polanski leaps into a hottub.

And add something to keep them on the hook. Something like "Oh, so it was fine yesterday but not now that other people are around? They don't care."

Best of all, be creative! Try one out for yourself. One of my favorites is: "Hey, [insert person's name], d'you want to come see how baby horses are made?" Ask innocently, like there isn't anything wrong with your inquiry. Like, who wouldn't want to see that? And allow the long, pregnant pause that follows to grow, savoring it.

Because if you can't do what you love, you're in the wrong profession.